Well, I made it to 30 years of age! That age that you think is ‘sooo old’ when you’re a mere teenager. The age where people start saying ‘well you don’t loooook like you’re 30′. Well gee thanks, shew, I was concerned for a minute haha. In all seriousness, I have no issues with turning 30. It’s a beautiful milestone to have reached and I gotta say, I have quite a bit to show for my years. My family, our thriving children, a career that I love (that never feels like ‘work’) our good health. Most importantly, I’m happy, truly happy. Not just content with where I’m at in life but heart wrenchingly happy. I’m embracing the fine lines that have showed my ability to laugh. The body that has carried three beautiful children. Do I still have days where I look in the mirror and think damn, where did the time go, or where did that come from?! Hell yes. And I hope Brian doesn’t notice it, and if he does, I hope he embraces it. I feel more often than not we as people take so so much for granted, including turning another year older. I don’t see it as something to dread, I see it as a small miracle we aren’t all granted.
I have so much to be thankful for and I have days where I’m terrified I could just lose it all, because that’s what happens when you’re happy, right?! I hate that feeling. For me it’s always been an inevitable feeling but I’m fighting it this year. I feel a sense of peace and calming as I enter in to my thirties. I’ve learned a lot, I’ve made so many ‘mistakes’. I’ve struggled with motherhood, I’ve struggled with balancing it all–but I’m here. All I can do is keep trying, do better, be better. The only odd thing about this age is somehow it came in the blink of an eye, despite what I have to show for the years passed. Yes I’ve had three kids, but when did I go from 21 to 30? I know in my mind and heart that I’m 3o but I swear I literally just graduated college, it just doesn’t make sense! Don’t blink. Don’t take a day for granted. Embrace the mundane along with the big things, some times they turn out to be the best things. In my case, I really need to start embracing the shit diapers and the tantruming children, because it’s going nowhere fast. And as the saying goes, you’re gonna miss this.
30 has also brought me the greatest gift. The only gift I wanted and hoped for. The gift I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to experience again. 30 has brought our family the gift of life. This body of mine gets to carry another miracle. I just can’t explain it; even when I was carrying Nash, I knew I wasn’t done. I wasn’t finished with what we had started. I always knew I wanted a big boisterous family. People around the dinner table for life. Kids, friends, grandkids–the whole shebang. To me, that’s what life is all about. I know it isn’t for everyone but it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I honestly had a tough time transitioning from one to two children. Tyler and Nash are only 20 months apart and I’m pretty sure the first 6 months were a blur of bliss and hell and chaos and meltdowns and love and tears and laughter and so on. Parenting is not for the weak. Brian said we are dooooone. We are gooooood. But he knows my heart. He knows my dreams. He feels them too. He’s just the over thinker and the stresser of the family. Can we handle this? Is this what’s right for Tyler and Nash? Absolutely. Giving them the gift of a lifelong best friend–there is nothing greater. They will always have eachother no matter what. And we will always have them.
We approached the subject–decided OK, we’ll give this thing a go. I gave us a tiny window of two months of trying (which hello, leaves like two chances) due to Wedding season/Weddings already booked and it was that or nothing. If it happened, it was meant to be. Well, our little miracle is due end of November/beginning of December. I’m over the mooooooooon!! So is Brian. Tyler already talks to my belly every day; it’s truly so surreal!
Now! As some of you may know or remember; I was told I was ‘high risk’ for another pregnancy due to a ‘window’ or or ‘see thru’ uterus. Yeah, I didn’t get it either. I do know that it can be very dangerous however my OB is confident that things will go perfectly and I will be closely monitored with extra ultrasounds and frequent check ups. I will also have my 3rd c-section scheduled between 37-38 weeks in hopes of avoiding any sort of early laboring. I will say; the 4th time around is no joke! I’ve always suffered headaches during pregnancy but this go round they’ve been so debilitating but I have high hopes that this second trimester will bring on the happy and healthy! And hopefully the pregnancy glow too because that adult acne is for the birds.
Lastlyyyyy! We won’t be finding out the sex this time! I get so giddy just at the thought! I tear up just thinking about the suspense and overwhelming emotions when we find out in the delivery room, ahhhh! We’ve been so blessed to have the best of both worlds; a healthy baby boy and two girls (and I loved our previous gender reveals so much) that this is truly the only way I could imagine going about it. Regardless of Boy or Girl, we can’t wait to meet PARKER AVERY MACON!
Thirty, you just might be the best year yet.
As always, your support and kindness means so very much to us! Thank you for following on our journey of growing love (and chaos)!